Søren Madsen - Fading Memory

Fading Memory is a deeply personal song I wrote for my mother, whom I lost to cancer when I was 16 years old. A grief I never truly processed because my father subsequently withdrew into himself, unable to support me in my mourning.
I don't blame him at all; he was grappling with as much grief, if not more, as I was. Moreover, mental health care back then was suboptimal.

Navigating my grief was incredibly challenging, especially since my father was seldom at home; our home reminded him of my mother, who was now absent. She was the glue that held the family together, the light, the love, the nucleus. And then she was gone.

Unfortunately, I sought comfort in alcohol, drugs, and superficial relationships with women. It provided temporary relief, but the grief always returned once the effects wore off.

At my lowest point, my grandmother luckily caught me. We bonded over our shared grief, and she eventually guided me away from the alcohol, drugs, and casual relationships. In many ways, she stepped into the mother role and set me on the right path with positive values and a renewed outlook on life. If it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't be here today.

Over the years, the grief persisted, not as a daily challenge, but as a deeply sad memory. I tried to remember her as she was, but flashes of her illness would occasionally resurface, reminding me of the realities my youth tried to drown with alcohol, drugs, and casual flings.

About two years ago, shortly after losing my father, I sat on the couch one late evening, thinking of her. I felt as though I couldn't fully recall her face, her voice, her scent, or the way she moved. She was gradually fading from my memory, hence, Fading Memory.

I sat down at the computer, and the song practically wrote itself in less than an hour. It felt as though she, from above, was guiding me.

In Fading Memory, I attempt to express all the tough emotions, including those I regretfully never voiced. But Fading Memory is also about forgiveness, both for my mother who passed away and for myself!

I will ALWAYS miss my mother, but hopefully, she lives on through this song, at least in my earliest childhood memories.

EVERYONE has experienced loss, and EVERYONE has their unique story around it, even if there are commonalities! And that's what I've tried to articulate with Fading Memory, hoping it can also help others navigate through the fear, grief, pain, anger, and helplessness! And hopefully bring to light the cherished memories that alleviate pain and reduce the taboo of verbalizing our feelings.

Even after many years, a thought, a scent, a conversation, or a song can bring tears to one's eyes, making the feeling of loss palpable once again!